“Would you tap it?” some might say,
That is the question posed today.
And we and us and all shall stay,
And work out which of them we'd lay.
For twilight is our current theme,
(apart from P&D 5b)
So talk of sex and drinks with cream,
And making katy want to scream,
(We three do make a real good team)
Will find out who'd we'd lay.

To bring in Fran's vindictive line,
Carlisle looks like a fucking mime,
And while he doesn't age with time,
(He'll never have a wrinkle line)
His beauty is his only crime,
Discussing who we'd lay,
His skin like pure white porcelain,
His hair slicked back, his eyes set in,
His never changing smarmy grin,
Would put off most we'd say.

Bella's next to talk about,
She's pretty cute, and she'll put out,
As long as you have Edward's pout,
She'd fight to be your lay,
But have a ounce of common sense,
Do nothing that would cause offense,
Anything that's different,
To her white knight who'll vault her fence,
And spy on her without consent,
(It seems the crime's irrelevant)
Will cancel the entire event,
Of getting Bella laid.

Views of Jacob's worth increased,
Until the last two were released,
And though his fights with Edward ceased,
And though we'd know between the sheets,
He'd turn into a real beast,
We wouldn't lay the J,
Mainly due to Jacob's war,
As Bella Swan he did adore,
So down on Edward's nerves he wore,
Until young Bella's child was born,
Then he became her son-in-law,
As Bella's foetus was her draw,
So Jacob loved her baby more,
A pedo we'd not lay.

But a choice between the pedophile,
And a sparkling, stalking, eternal child,
Well we’d just have to think a while,
But I’m sure in the end, no need for trials,
“We’re celibate!” we’d say,
For Edward, so dark and tall,
His amber eyes surveying all,
Reading minds, ignores the call,
Of Bella’s fushia scented thrall,
(Her deodorant is roller-ball)
It’s her he’d want to lay,
But even if he’s meant to be,
Just every single girl’s wet dream,
To us it’s always plain to see,
The wet dream is all Stephanie’s,
And so while laying Edward C,
That one image is all we see,
So even shiny S60s
Will never get him laid.

And now we are discussing Alice,
Yes.